Killing with the Mercy Stone™



When assisting the departure of a loved one (or even someone you are pissed off at), you’ll need to decide how many whacks that person requires.

The original Mercy Stone was a “one-whacker.” It weighed seven pounds and the idea was to sneak up on the

loved one and whack him or her over the head.

Then proceed with burial.
Because this replica of the Mercy Stone™ is about one quarter actual size (and one 200th actual weight), simple physics dictates that you must alter the delivery speed
of the whack.

For example, if your loved one weighs 160 pounds and is under six feet, you must drop the Mercy Stone™ on the head of the loved one from a height of 2,060

This will require a helicopter or mountain climbing party—both of which Mercy Stone™ Tours can arrange. (Mercy Stone™ Inc. sells an excellent graph that will help you calculate the exact height you will require to dispatch various body sizes and weights.)

The original Mercy Stone™ was a one whacker. Smack, and it was over.

The replica requires additional whacks. The above referenced loved one would require between 740 and 900 whacks with the replica. Mercy Stone™ Inc. sells a counter to keep track of the whacks.
Also, you must be careful with multiple whacking since this could annoy the loved one and you would have to deal with a counterattack.

It is suggested that you first drug or tie up the loved one. Preferably both. Mercy Stone™ Inc. provides rope and pharmaceuticals to accomplish this.