Throughout the ages countless people have grown old and infirm. They entered their second childhood. They became cartoons of themselves. The Mercy Stone™ brought

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many of these unfortunates instant relief and respite. The first written reference to the stone (or facilitator as it was originally called) was in 1151 AD. A parish priest in Europe used the Mercy Stone™ to end the life of Kathleen Dump, 82, with a single blow to the back of the woman’s skull. Mrs. Dump resided with her daughter, son-in-law and their six children in a one-room thatched house near Liverwart. The elderly lady was deemed senile by the parish priest after she poured boiling water on his cat. When questioned she insisted his cat was a tulip. Residents of Liverwart thought this was hilarious. Besides, many of them thought the perish priest was a pain in the neck. A simple stone headstone marks Mrs. Dump’s grave. The next recorded reference to the Mercy Stone™ was in 1864 (although there were at least two

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dozen earlier anecdotal incidents involving euthanasia and “the rock”). Early in the spring of 1864 a slave owner, a malevolent man, Robert Easton, had his way with a black women whom he owned. A child resulted and Easton made jokes about “getting his rocks off.” The mother used the Mercy Stone™ on the slave owner. She quipped: “Speaking of getting your rocks off, how do you like this one?” Whack. Whack. Whack! Additional written records of the Mercy Stone™ were discovered. Many were based on folklore. According to Dr. Phildang, an anthropologist at the University of Chicago, the Mercy Stone™ was employed with increasing frequency. Coincidentally, Dr. Phildang’s wife (struggling with bipolar problems) was found bludgeoned to death with a blunt instrument. The case is still open, and no suspects have yet been charged. It was known that the doctor’s wife loved to indulge in practical jokes. Shortly before her death, she filled his classic ’65 Mustang with wet chicken feathers and crazy glue. In 1943, at the conclusion of World War II, at least five newspapers reported that a “Mercy Stone™” was employed by the wife of a Kamikaze pilot. Mori Yagazaki, 25, taught suicide pilots how to operate their Kamikaze planes in a western airfield of Japan. After watching brave young Japanese men fly to their deaths to “save the

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empire,” Mr. Yagazaki applied to join a suicide pilots’ squadron but his superiors forbad him since he was married with three young children. His wife, realizing how sad her husband was, used the Mercy Stone™ to dispatch their three children, then drowned herself in the ocean so that Mr. Yagazaki could join the ranks of the Kamikaze. Mrs. Yagazaki loved to tease her husband. On several occasions she dressed the children as United States pilots and the entire family attacked Mr. Yagazaki when he entered their home, thinking that only dinner awaited him. The next documented occurrence of the Mercy Stone™ use was in Los Angeles in 1989. Charles S. Kinderman, a police officer, drove his nephew, Scott, to a side road on Mulholland Drive. Scott had recently graduated from the LA Police Training Academy. It was just after dusk on a warm July. Apparently Charles was a crooked cop and had set things up for his nephew to join a small group of officers who were “on the take.” People recalled that Scott knew a huge repertoire of cop jokes. They also recalled that Charles never laughed at any of these jokes. Scott was more idealistic than his uncle realized and refused to consider the new job offer. As a result Kinderman killed the nephew with the Mercy Stone™. He told fellow officers that he was protecting them. Further investigation revealed that Scott, earlier that week, pretended to shoot his uncle in the testicles with a trick gun that discharged a flag that said: “Bang.” In 1995 the Mercy Stone™ was used by Sasha White to kill a rising grunge singer, Joseph Mash. Sasha, who had gone from Mash’s groupie to steady girlfriend, was under the influence of heroin when she murdered the singer as he slept off a wasted night of drunken debauchery. There was no financial gain for the murder since Mash was deeply in debt. It appeared Sasha simply murdered her boyfriend on a whim. Her hobby was writing limericks that Mr. Mash belittled and refused to incorporate into his grunge act. Here is Sasha’s last Limerick:

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a young singer named Mash Whose big head was quite full of hash. When he fell into bed, 99 percent dead, I completed the task and smashed Mash. In 2003, a young nanny killed Martha Marks, the mother of two children, with the Mercy Stone™. The nanny was concerned that Mrs. Marks did not spend enough time with her kids. The nanny told police that she thought Mr. Marks would marry her since she was a better “mother” than the deceased wife. Three video tapes were discovered in the Marks’ household. In them Mrs. Marks was dressed as a clown and entertained the children by blowing up grotesque balloons that she claimed represented the president of the United States. She was an avid Democrat. The authorities placed the nanny in an institution for the criminally insane. She escaped and later worked in development for a large Hollywood studio. The nanny was a Republican.